He's Home!!

He's HOME!!!

Six and a half weeks weeks old and weighing in at 5 lbs. 9 oz., and he finally made it home. We're so excited and happy to have him here with us! I prayed all week that we could have a miracle- Baby Joel Frankie would figure out how to breathe and be able to come home. I had Joel give him a blessing too. And what do ya know! Our prayers (and I know many of yours) were answered and we got our miracle. He's home!

I had butterflies in my stomach as we walked the halls of the hospital toward the NICU for the last time. I wondered outloud to Joel if this is what it feels like to adopt a baby. It kind of does feel like I adopted my own child. I have this tiny baby but without the exhaustion and soreness from delivering a baby. Even though we love having him home with us it is a little weird too. For so long he was this sweet darling baby we got to visit everyday. Now he lives with us. I don't know how to explain it. Just trust me that it's weird- a very good weird.



He failed his car seat test they do, so we had to rent a car bed. But when they first put him in it Joel and I were not happy because the poor thing looked so uncomfortable, like it was more dangerous for him to be in the car bed than the car seat! But they fiddled with the straps and got them to work better, although I still think he's too big for the car bed. Oh well. It's not like I'm going to be driving him around a million places. It's interesting how things have changed since Noah left the NICU at 4 lbs. 8 oz. He was in a regular car seat, and I remember the straps were way loose, but they still let him go home. This time it wasn't so easy.

Joel was not a happy camper that they made him sit in the car bed for an hour for another test. What were they going to do if he failed it? There's not exactly another option. Would they have made him stay another week or two until he was bigger? Joel and I would have carried him and walked the five miles home if that were the case. Luckily it didn't come to that.




So far he is the easiest baby to take care of. When he's not eating, he's either sleeping or just busy being cute. It's awesome having a newborn and the physical energy to take care of him and your other kids. I guess there are positives to having a baby in the NICU for 6 1/2 weeks.




The kids love him soooo much! Clara likes "feeding" him with this binky. She sticks her finger in the hole and feels him suck on her finger. I can tell she's going to be a little too helpful, but I love it anyway. I'm so glad they love him so much. He's going to be a spoiled little boy!




He is a very noisy boy! I tried last night to sleep with him in the room but finally moved him to the hall in the middle of the night. He's a great sleeper, but he grunts and groans all the time because he's also very gassy. Luckily the gas doesn't make him crabby. Just noisy and stinky.



We are one big happy family because our Baby Joel Frankie is finally home! I'm so happy that I get to be his mom now. It gets old having other people in charge of your child's well being. They did a great job and I'll actually miss seeing those sweet nurses everyday, but now it's my turn.

Teeny Tiny Guy

You can tell he's growing. His skin doesn't hang on his body quite as much, and his cheeks are filling out everyday. He's not going to stay skinny for long because this little guy likes to eat!




While I was still pregnant and still at home I made Joel Frankie a hat, and at the time I thought it was so teeny tiny. That is, until I put it on him. For his little head it is humongous! But it's still super cute.




As of today, he weighs 4 lbs. 13 oz. That's what Noah weighed he was born. He'll be 5 lbs. by the time he's home. We thought he might come home tomorrow, but he's still a little shaky with his breathing. If we're lucky it might be Tuesday or Wednesday. I keep praying that he'll get better at breathing so he can be home and so I don't have to worry about him. He's such an angel! I want to enjoy him every minute instead of just a few hours each day.

Our Sweet Boy

Joel Sr. and Joel Jr. So sweet! Joel hadn't seen him for two weeks and was so excited to see and hold his little guy.



As of today, Joel Frankie weighs 4 lbs. 5 oz. I've already forgotten what 3 lbs. 2 oz. looks like. He gets bigger everyday and is looking so good, and I'm more and more excited about him coming home.

Right now he's doing this thing called periodic breathing, which is where he breathes, breathes, breathes...pauses...breathes, breathes, etc. You and I can pause our breaths, but his tiny body can't handle those pauses. That's why he's been on oxygen the last little while. Periodic breathing is very normal for premies, so don't worry. He does this breathing when he's in deep sleep or when he's nursing. He'll most likely come home on oxygen, which I kind of don't mind.

He's nursing usually 2 times a day and doing pretty awesome at it. It's a little scary when he stops breathing, but we've learned how to get through it. Once he nurses or bottle feeds at every feeding and can get rid of his feeding tube for 48 hours straight, he'll be able to come home. I'm really hopeful that will be next week sometime. We pray every day that he'll reach these milestones of eating and breathing better so he can come home soon.



Isn't he such a cutie!

For Lack of a Clever Title, Here's Another Update

I got on the computer to upload some pictures Baby's nurse took of the kids and me gazing at our cute boy, and somehow the pictures didn't take. They're not on my camera, but I'm pretty sure I remember a flash and everything. Grrr. They would have been super cute pictures, and now this post is pictureless. Plus, I still don't have any pictures with Noah and Clara and baby brother. Grrr.

I'll give you the update anyway if you can stand to read it without pictures. He's doing awesome! I tried nursing him last week for the first time, and he did so great and does better each time we try it. They are wanting me to go in and nurse twice a day to see how he does, and so far he loves it- so much that he forgets to breathe. So, he needs a little help with the oxygen while he nurses.

They all seem really surprised at how well he's nursing because of how small and young he is and because he's a boy (boy premies tend to be slower at things than girls). It makes me think of Noah when he was born early (6 weeks). He also surprised everyone by only needing to stay in the NICU for a week and being a natural nurser. Our Orton boys are tough!

I do have to not get my hopes too high because they said that often babies get excited about eating but then just get too wiped out and don't want to do it for a few days. So far, though, he just loves it! Today he was gulping the milk down! But after only three minutes he was out for the count. So cute and sweet!

By the way, he ways 3 lbs. 14 oz. He's almost 4 lbs! We're so happy he's done so well and feel so blessed.

I'll get some pics of all three kids together soon. Hopefully they'll work this time!

Seersucker Baby Quilt

This is Baby Joel Frankie's (that's what my niece calls him) baby quilt. I hand quilted this in my hospital room. I'd never done that before, but it wasn't very hard and didn't take very long. My doctors and nurses were all curious about it when they'd come in my room. I was going to hand sew the binding, but the little stinker was born before I had the chance. I guess I still could have, but my sewing machine was too tempting. Anyway, I'm really happy with it!



You probably can't tell from the pictures, but all the strips of this log cabin style quilt are seersucker. I got the idea from good ol' Martha Stewart. I love the texture of the seersucker, and I think it will be fun for our little guy to lay and roll around on.

Update:

Time for an update too. He's doing so marvelous! We couldn't be happier. Well, that's not true. I'd be happier if he was home! We know he can't be, though, so we're grateful he's in such good hands.

He got his IV removed today, and I know from my 4 weeks in the hospital and the bruises on both arms that that is a very good thing. He has less and less cords attached to him all the time. The doctor said he's now entering the boring time, which is good. All he does is sleep and eat (through his feeding tube still).

My favorite thing is to hold him skin to skin. They place him tummy side down on my chest, and we cuddle. It's so yummy! Today he was funny- he kept trying to push up on his forearms so he could look at me. He's pretty darn strong for such a tiny thing!

I just love him so much and can't wait until he's ready to come home! Leaving a baby at the hospital is not fun. I told Joel that when I came home and went back into the regular swing of things it almost feels like my hospital stay and giving birth didn't even happen. And every time I visit and say goodbye for the day I'm leaving part of my heart with him. I function a lot better when my heart is in one piece.

Update

Update:

He is now breathing completely on his own! I'm thrilled about that.

He is done with the lights

He's gradually eating more everyday. He gets my milk through a feeding tube (the orange one in his nose).

To keep us realistic, they told us to plan on him being in the NICU until his due date (Aug 26th), but I'm hopeful that if he keeps doing as well as he is he'll be able to come home the end of July.

I changed his diaper last night for the first time, and that was interesting! He's so skinny! And there's not enough bum for his skin to cover so it's all wrinkly. Plus, those premie diapers are still a little big. I could see, though, that his bruised bottom is looking better.

He's so precious and sweet I can hardly stand it. I love holding him and watching all the funny faces he makes. So far he seems to be a very calm baby, which is why when I hold him I quickly get sleepy too.

Here are some better pictures of his cute face. I think he is all Orton, especially his Grandpa Orton, which is a great person to look like!







Notice the comparison of him with our hands. I have small hands but next to him they look humongous!



I'll probably be going home today, which is a little weird. I haven't been home in 4 weeks. I'm anxious to get there, but it's going to be hard to leave our little guy. We'll miss him every minute we're home without him, but we'll try to get to the hospital as often as we can.

Joel Franklin Orton

We had a big surprise Thursday night! Our little guy decided he wanted to get here. Joel Franklin was born at 9:03 and weighed 3 lbs. 2 oz and is 15 inches long. He's super duper tiny but such a cutie! He made quite the entrance in this world. Here's the story. It's very detailed for my history's sake.

Thursday day I felt absolutely fine. In fact, Joel and the kids spend the morning and part of the afternoon with me at the hospital, and I felt completely fine. They left because they had to pack for a one nighter camping trip with my parents down in Spanish Fork canyon. So, I went about my day as usual (a nap, reading, cross-stitching, T.V.).

Around 6:00 I started to feel uncomfortable but not in pain. I just thought I'd been in one position for too long. But as I ate my dinner it got worse (but I did not let it stop me from eating my chocolate cake!). I got in the shower hoping that would help. It did while I was in the shower but it didn't get rid of it. Finally around 8:00ish I called my nurse.



She started monitoring me, and it seemed like the contractions, which were ALL in my back (ouch!), got worse each time. She called my doctor. He talked to me on the phone and asked if this was it, and I said with tears, "I think so." He sent Labor and Delivery over to check me. I think this was around 8:15 and my contractions were starting to hurt worse and were getting much closer together. I was at a 4, so they quickly started wheeling me to where they'd prep me for my C-Section. I had to have a C-Section because the little guy was breech.

At this point it was very obvious I was having a baby. Remember how I said Joel went camping? I tried to call him, but he had no reception. I tried calling anyone in my family, but no one answered their phones, so I was getting very panicky and very upset and very scared that I'd be doing this alone. Adding those feelings to my already increasingly painful contractions made the pain much worse. I did get a hold of my sister-in-law Robin and she sent her husband to find Joel and she started heading up this way. So sweet! Thanks Robin!



By the time they got me to triage where they started quickly (not quick enough for me!) prepping me for surgery, I was in so much pain, and in just a few minutes I felt pressure starting, like I needed to push. I told the nurses this but they told me to not push, which was so hard. I was starting to have contractions within what seemed like seconds apart, and I was having a hard time working through them calmly, given the fact that I had no mental prep for a delivery like this and Joel was not there to support me. In short, I was terrified. At one point my hands went numb because I was breathing so hard and so fast. The nurses kept telling me I needed to calm down, which was so hard to do! I don't think they realized how ready I was to have this baby. I always wondered how I'd react to a labor pains this strong. Would I scream, moan, or breathe through it? Well, there was a whole lot of yelling. Later, after it was all over, my throat was a little sore.

Meanwhile in all this fun pain, they're poking me and doing all sorts of things to get me ready for surgery. I just kept thinking why they weren't moving faster and stopping my pain. My awesome nurse from anti-partum tracked down some Elders to give me a blessing. I've never been so irreverent during a blessing! I think God understood, though.



The pressure to push kept getting stronger, and finally they checked me again and realized I was ready to go. That's when I was finally ready to go to the C-Section room. I was so happy to see my Doctor's face, and as soon as I did I told him I couldn't not push. He just looked at me reassuringly and patted my leg, which was actually very comforting. He's a very calm man, and I needed that at that moment.



They finally got my epidural or spinal block going (I don't know which they ended up doing), but it still just seemed like everything was taking SO long! And during all this I was still thinking somehow I was still going to have a C-Section. I had to, my baby was breech! But I knew if that medicine didn't kick in soon I couldn't not push any longer, which added to my terror because babies are not supposed to come out that way!

Epidural/spinal block done, they got me on my back, and then I heard the most blessed word in the world, "PUSH!" If ever there was a word gift wrapped on topped with a bow it was that one. I gave one big push and he was out. First came a bum, then popped out his legs and then the rest. His head did get stuck for a second but not long. They whisked him away, of course, before I could look at him, but my doctor said he looked good. I can barely recall seeing in my peripheral a little purple, bloody thing. The whole process, from when I knew I was in labor until I had him was about 2 hours. So fast!



I've heard of the relief that comes as soon as that baby is out, and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. My pain was completely gone, and they assured me my baby was looking good, so I was very good. The nurses said, "Well, you go your V-BAC!" My doctor could not have been more pleased with how that rapid, scary birth went. He told me I must have had guardian angels with me, and I think he was right.


After all this was done, we still hadn't tracked down Joel. So, the nurses called the Rangers and gave the info they needed to find him, somewhere in Spanish Fork canyon. They finally did. Joel saw the Sheriff pull up and had a feeling why he was there. He told him his wife was in labor, but then shortly after that he got new info and told Joel that he had a son. Joel sped back to Ogden pretty quick. Those of you who know him can guess how fast he drove home.

You can imagine how he feels about not being here, but honestly, even if he'd been home he might not have made it because when I started calling him it was 45 min. to an hour before I delivered. By the time he got kids taken care of and got down here, who knows if he'd made it. It was a relief to see him when he did make, but part of me is a little glad he didn't see me like I was. He would not have liked it one bit!



The whole thing feels like a dream. I still can't believe I did all that. Of course, I know I didn't do it by myself. I know I had a lot of unseen help. Three things happened that night I never in a million years thought I'd experience. 1) I delivered naturally 2) I delivered a breech baby 3) I did it without my husband by my side. I cannot describe how terrified I was at the thought of all three of those things. It was the most traumatic thing I've ever gone through, and I hope I will never have to do it again! I do feel a little foolish at how I handled it, though. I was pretty vocal and probably scared other laboring mothers half to death. I even apologized to the nurses afterward. I'm kind of embarrassed.



I got a nasty fever soon after the delivery (I've been fighting fevers ever since, which is why I'm still here at the hospital), but once that was gone they took me in to see my little guy. He was so small and helpless. I just stared and stared at him with tears in my eyes. I was glad to have him here but sad that he had to be in the NICU. But since that first night, he's doing awesome! Pretty much breathing on his own and handling my milk really well, and I've held him a bunch of times, which is the best thing in the world! We love him so much! I could stare at him all day, especially his little mouth. I'm in love with all the little faces he makes.

As scary as that night was for me, I have so much to be thankful for. My brother-in-law dropped everything to go find Joel, my sister-in-law started heading up this way to be with me, my awesome nurse Amanda stayed with me knowing I was alone and pushed on my back with each contraction, my brother came up (after I left him a message that scared him to death), it was a miraculously smooth delivery, my tiny baby is strong, my family and friends are so willing to help, and in addition to many other little things, I've learned so much and am going to be a stronger, better person.

There's a quote from an old T.V. show episode that I've thought a lot about. In the episode a woman delivered a breech baby, and the nurse choked out the words, "He came in the world backwards, but he landed on his feet."



P.S.
We're not sure if we want him to go by Joel or Franklin/Frankie. We love both names but aren't sure we want the confusion of two Joels. We'll decide soon.

The Lanyard (Day 25)

My doctor recommended I read this poem by Billy Collins. It is very sweet, and I'm glad he shared it with me. Now I'm sharing it with you.


The Lanyard - Billy Collins

The other day I was ricocheting slowly
off the blue walls of this room,
moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano,
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
when I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.

No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one into the past more suddenly—
a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp
by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid long thin plastic strips
into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.

I had never seen anyone use a lanyard
or wear one, if that’s what you did with them,
but that did not keep me from crossing
strand over strand again and again
until I had made a boxy
red and white lanyard for my mother.

She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,
laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light

and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.
Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.

Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth,
and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.
And here, I wish to say to her now,
is a smaller gift—not the worn truth

that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took
the two-tone lanyard from my hand,
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless, worthless thing I wove
out of boredom would be enough to make us even.

Happy Anniversary (Day 23)

Today marks 8 years of marriage for Joel and me. Never thought we'd be celebrating it in a hospital, but we did and it turned out to be very fun.

Joel's boss, Jen, is one of the nicest, most giving people we know. She went to Texas Roadhouse, one of our favorite restaurants, and bought McDonald's for the kids and brought us all dinner. She also came bearing gifts for all of us- flowers and things to do for me, a Father's Day shirt for Joel, and bubbles for the kids. She took them outside to the pond to eat their food and play with their bubbles so Joel and I could have a private dinner in my room.

The food was so incredibly good, but mostly it was so nice to have a date with Joel. We talked about all the things that happened this year of our marriage, and it's been a good year. We talked about what would happen this next year, and naturally, our baby on the way is the thing we're most looking forward to. In addition to that, I think this next year will bring a lot of changes to our family. Can't wait to see what they are, even though some of them might be hard.

After our dinner date, this kids came back to my room and we just hung out for a while. One thing I've missed since being here is not being able to put my kids to bed, which is funny because when I was home I didn't always love doing that. But tonight I wanted to do some of the things I've missed. We had prayers together, and I read some stories to the kids and then sang their bedtime songs that I sang every night at home. One of Clara's songs is "Away in a Manger," and she always sings it with me. It was so nice to hear her sweet voice singing that song with me again. It warmed my heart to sit on my bed with both my kids cuddled next to me. It gave my heart just what it needed.

Right as they were about to go home, Clara opened the door and the bottom of it bumped her big toe hard enough that her toe started bleeding. She was so sad and while Joel comforted her I found a nurse to fetch some band-aids. As soon as Joel got the band-aid on her toe, she said in a sad little voice, "That's so much better." It was so sad but so cute, and Joel and I both had to cover the smiles on our faces. Thank heaven for band-aids.

Once Clara was better, Joel gave me a big kiss goodbye and took the kids home. It was a very a nice night with my wonderful husband and beautiful kids.

Father's Day and Noah Knows All (Day 22)

I once had high hopes of making egg rolls for Joel for Father's Day. Egg rolls are on his favorite top 5 foods list, and I don't make them from scratch very often. I knew they would be a big hit.

Well, that didn't happen. I wish there was something I could to thank him for being an amazing Dad and husband. He's always been awesome, but he's really stepped up to the plate these last few weeks. It hasn't been a piece of cake, but he hasn't complained. He tries to spend every free minute here with me and is doing a good job doing the things I always did. Today he braided Clara's hair. He said they fell out almost immediately, but who cares? I'm super impressed that A) he was willing to try it and B) he could do it at all. I had no idea he even knew how to braid. Go figure.

I'm so happy that I married him. I'm a better person because of him, and I love him so much and so do our kids. Happy Father's Day Joel!

****************************************************************

I keep forgetting to share this story about Noah. I didn't actually witness it. My mom and dad shared it with me, and I thought it was so funny. It just had to be recorded (hopefully it right).

My mom and dad took Noah to church the first Sunday I was at the hospital, and I my dad was talking to someone, explaining why they had their grandkids. I guess my dad told the man I was having a boy, and my dad asked Noah if he knew how I found out it was a boy.

Noah said, "If it's a blue cake it's a boy. If it's a pink cake it's a girl."

Some of you may have seen my post a while back where I announced what we're having. To tell my kids, I made a blue jello poke cake.

So, maybe Noah thought the doctor gave me the cake? I don't know what he thought, but it was sure cute and funny! My dad sure got a kick out of that, and so did I when they told me the story.

Day 21

With all this free time, I have discovered a few fun sewing blogs and websites and other fun things that I wanted to share. I know I won't have time for most of these projects for a while, but I can still get excited. And maybe some of you will be inspired by these sites as well and create something from them. If you do, you must share with me!

Today I found this website: Elle Apparel. She has some cute and unique designs and lots of free tutorials (even better, right?). I think my favorite is this Pinwheel Skirt. I will have definitely have to try that one.

Today I also discovered this website with links to free sewing tutorials in just about everything you can think of. It's called All Free Sewing. I have a feeling this site will come in handy.

I'm just realizing that pretty much all the sites I'm sharing I found today. I guess it's been a productive hour in the good ol' Internet.

The next is an etsy store that sells vintage sheets and pillowcases and dish towels. It's called Garden Laundry. I'm learning from all these creative bloggers that you don't have to sew using fabric that came from a bolt. The sheets they have at Garden Laundry would make the cutest clothes! Or quilts or whatever! And I'm pretty sure it would cost less $$. I'm super excited about this find.

I'd love to have a charm necklace with my kids' names or initials. The website The Vintage Pearl has some really cute, simple, sweet things. Maybe I'll ask for one for my birthday. Hopefully by then we'll know what to name Baby #3.


I'm sure there are a plethora of blogs out there that will inspire me, and I'm sure I'll discover them all while I'm here. I'll let you know if I find any more good ones.


P.S. Did you notice how many days I've been here? Twenty one makes an even 3 weeks! It really has gone faster than I thought. Let's hope the same goes for the next 4.

Day 20

30 weeks today! Yay!! And in one day I'll have been here 3 weeks (I'm not gonna say how many more I have to go, so don't ask).

So today while I was watching T.V. (something I do a lot more than usual), a commercial came on for the Grand America in Salt Lake. Right now they're doing this thing where you can nominate someone to have a free 2 night stay. I actually nominated Joel, and I still can't believe they didn't pick him. Oh well. Anyway, this commercial had this husband praising his wife who is constantly doing things with and for their kids. In his words, "If she has a spare minute, she spends it with her kids."

I'm sorry, but I really dislike hearing about moms like that. It just makes me feel like a horrible mom. And if you're a mom like that then good for you. I am not like that, not even close. Personally I don't think it's healthy to be that way. I myself get cranky when I haven't had "me time," so I take that time whenever it's available. Granted, my problem is that I probably take too much "me time," so the balance is off in other direction. I've been talking about how when I get out this place (this place that I'm starting to have real special feelings towards) I'm going to spend more time with my kids, but that does not mean I'm going to give up on me. It's important to do things you enjoy. For me, it makes me a happier person, and when I'm a happier person, I'm a happier mom. So there.

On a different note, they had this blogger on Good Things Utah this morning, demonstrating science experiments using balloons that your kids will love (heck, I would too)! You can find the info on her blog as well. I totally want to try this. I may have Joel bring the supplies here one day, and we'll have some balloon fun in the hospital.

The mom blogger that presented these ideas said her daughters literally had fun for about 2 hours, and I bet while they were playing this mom did something for her. See, you can be a fun, interactive mom and still take time for yourself.

If I see that commercial again I will probably throw up.

Day 19

Today was actually quite hard. I thought something was happening that would make it necessary to have the baby, so naturally I got scared and sad and depressed. Fortunately, it looks like everything is fine, so don't worry folks. I just never fully recovered from the depressed feelings that came over me.

So, I vented about all the things that are hard about my situation. I wrote a big long post all about it, posted it, and deleted it. While it did feel good to get that out of my system, there's no reason why it needs to be recorded for you and my posterity to see. Instead, I'm going to end my not-so-good day by accentuating the positive, and hopefully I'll fall quickly and soundly to sleep.


These are in no particular order:


I'm almost done with my baby quilt that I'm quilting by hand (never done that before- hope I'm doing it right)

Joel visited me when I didn't think he'd be able to AND he brought me a yummy fruit smoothie

I still have a baby in my tummy, thank goodness!

I finished reading a cute, fairy tale retelling

I found a good deal online for ice cream sandwich makers, so when I'm home I can make gluten free ice cream sandwiches for Clara

I got to take a refreshing shower today

I had delicious cake at dinner (I really need to lay off the desserts while I'm here or I'm gonna be in trouble!)

I'm more than halfway done with my cross-stitch pattern I'm working on

The temperature in my room is lower than yesterday, so maybe tonight I'll actually sleep with my blanket.

I'm only hours away from being 30 weeks pregnant.

I've felt baby move a lot more today than he's been moving the last few days (maybe that means I have some more fluid to swim and just maybe he'll flip his head back down to where it should be)

I got to watch What Not Wear, one of my favorite shows.

I listened to the CD my friend Heidi made for me with music from The King's Speech, Finding Nemo, Up and a really cool song I've never heard before. It was very relaxing.



You know, after brainstorming all the good things about this bad day, I'm starting to feel like it wasn't such a bad day after all. I think I will sleep well tonight.

You've gotta accentuate the positive,
Eliminate the negative,
Latch on to the affirmative-
Don't mess with Mr. In-Between!

Day 17

things I want to do with my kids when I get home:

play outside in the rain

paint

dance around the house to fun music

make things

bake cookies and other goodies

invite them to help with dinner more often

help them sew something simple

play games

explore and help them learn new things

laugh with them

read lots of books

go to the park

go on walks

and so much more!

Isn't it funny how when we can do things we don't usually want to, but when we can't do them it's all we think about?

I sit here and think about how I'm going to be a better mom when I get home and do more things with my kids and enjoy them more, but then I have to remind myself that when I go home things won't be the same. I'll have another little person to take care of, plus I'll be exhausted most of the time. So, for now my list of things to do with my kids might be a little much. I'll just have to be realistic and not expect myself to be perfect everyday and do amazing things everyday. I actually don't want to do amazing things everyday. My real goal is to find more joy in the little, unplanned things. And maybe every now and then I'll throw in something amazing, but mostly I want to enjoy the simple moments and not push them aside because I think I have something more important to do. I've definitely had a big wake up call, reminding me what is important and what can wait. I had it backwards before.

Day 15

It's been a very nice Sunday so far. I fixed up my hair again so I'd look nice for my morning plans. The piano was free again this morning, so I had my CNA wheel me down for some more piano time, which was wonderful. Then she came back and wheeled me to the sacrament service at the hospital. It was so nice to be able to do that. It made my life seem a little more normal, and the Spirit was so strong. You appreciate the opportunity to take the sacrament more when it takes more effort.

I've been thinking today about a scripture I read a few days ago. You see, I'm trying to finish the Book of Mormon while I'm here, and since I'm in Ether, I figure I'll be able to. I was reading about the Brother of Jared and his family when they traveled across the sea. The Lord caused a great wind that never ceased to push their boats toward the Promised Land, which as you can imagine caused huge waves and at times their boats were actually submerged under water, and their journey took almost a whole year. Can you imagine an entire year being tossed among violent waves? That would not be easy. But I was so impressed with their attitude throughout this journey. They did not complain, but rather, it says:

"And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord."

And after they landed on the Promised Land, they "did humble themselves before the Lord, and did shed tears of joy before the Lord, because of the multitude of his tender mercies over them."

I think it is no coincidence that I read these words while I've been here in the hospital. These words often come back into mind since reading them, reminding me to look for the good in my situation and see all the tender mercies I've already experienced. Not every moment here has been peachy, but it's words like these that give me the strength to lift myself up and keep going. Knowing that the Lord is with me makes it much better, and I cannot fail to mention His influence on me and my family since all this happened. I'm so grateful for all the things He's done to make this easier to handle and to help us grow.

Another things that has helped me from the moment I got here that fateful Saturday night was think about my Grandpa Stocking. I've tried to follow his example he gave all of my family members when his health suddenly and quickly declined right before he passed away last year. He was so positive and cheerful and such a sweet patient. My Grandpa Svedin's health is also declining, and he's also enduring it so sweetly. I'm grateful for their examples. They've definitely given me strength.

I think I'm going to be a different person when all this is done and baby is here and we can go home. A good different.

Day 14

Last night my day was topped off with a visit from Joel. It was so nice! We just laid on my bed and talked. It was so comforting and relaxing. He wanted to stay the night, which was so sweet but made me feel bad because we all know how comfortable the accommodations are for the husbands. He said he wanted to be with me, mostly because the night before I had a horrible, horrible nightmare and had to call him so I could hear a comforting voice. What a sweet, unselfish guy! Anyway, so he stayed over last night and fortunately, slept pretty well he said. And fortunately for me, no more nightmares.

This morning he got a breakfast burrito from Beto's, a fast food Mexican restaurant up here that is wonderful. It was so nice to not eat hospital food! The food here is actually pretty good. It's just getting old ordering from the same menu everyday. I'm still savoring that delicious breakfast.

After breakfast we got to go visit the Bulloughs, some good friends of ours who had a baby yesterday. It was so fun to get to see them and their beautiful baby girl. It's kind of nice to be "living" at the hospital because I've been able to visit two friends that have had babies.

After that we just hung out and went for a wheelchair ride outside. Have I mentioned the beautiful pond at our hospital, which I have a fabulous view of from my window? Well, it really is beautiful, with a tall fountain that sprays all day. There's all kinds of vegetation that smells divine and a few geese and ducks and finches that call it their home. It's so relaxing and therapeutic to sit out there and feel the sun and the cool breeze on my face.

Unfortunately Joel couldn't stay all day because he had work. After he left I took a nap, watched some Friends, worked on my digital scrapbook and proceeded to get really bored. It's the first time I got really bored. To break the monotony, I curled my hair with my straightener. A couple days ago I watched a you-tube video on how to do that, so I gave it a try today. It worked! So, although I was bored, I had cute hair.

I decided I really needed to go down to the lobby and play the piano. I used to volunteer here, and when I quit the man in charge said I could come back anytime. So, my first week here I called him up and told him I was available 24/7. He told me I could play anytime it was available, so I have a calendar that lets me know just when that is. As soon as it was available tonight I started really wanting to go down there but was hesitant because the last two times I played I got really uncomfortable sitting on the hard chair. My nurse suggested I take a pillow, so she wheeled me down there, and I gave the pillow a try. It was just what I needed- I didn't get uncomfortable at all and was able to play for 40 minutes. It was just what the doctor ordered! I feel so much better now. It's kind of funny that I'm supposed to be playing for people in the hospital, but really, I'm playing for myself. I mean, I'm playing for them too, but it's probably helping me more than them. Now that the pillow solved my problem, I'll be able to go down more often.

I can't believe I didn't mention that I've hit the two week mark today. Woohoo! Only 5 more to go! I'm now 29 weeks, and we're hoping baby stays in until 34 weeks. I pray everyday he will. Yesterday I started having weird back contractions, but they've slowed down a lot today after I followed doctor's advice to move around more. Funny, you'd think I'd need to lie in bed more, but he said lying down and being too comfortable can make preterm labor worse. Well, he was right because I feel lots better today, and baby is doing fine. Although, he's moving a lot less because there's no fluid to swim in. Poor guy. Sometimes I think that he's just as uncomfortable as I am.

Have I talked about my doctor at all? He is great! He delivered Clara, and I've always liked him, but I am more impressed with him since all this happened. He comes to see me everyday, even weekends and will even call if there's a concern I have. He's been super nice- he watered a plant for me and went to the trouble of ordering a book on CD he thought I'd enjoy. How nice is that?! Plus he's super funny, although it takes a while to get him. The biggest thing I really appreciate about him is he doesn't get worked up about things. Things that I think are a huge deal, he quickly dismisses and tells me why they're nothing to worry about. He's a big reason why I've been pretty calm about my situation. Obviously if there was a problem he'd do what was necessary. I just love how he doesn't get worked up over things. I know baby and I are in good hands.

So, day 14 is almost over, and my next milestone will be 30 weeks. We'll make it!

P.S.
Weird: My right ear has been plugged since 9:00 this morning. My nurse suggested it was to waxxy, but I clean my ears pretty regularly. Hope it's gone when I wake up in the morning.

Spring Family Fun

Enjoying some family time outside on one of the rare nice days this spring.



I can't believe how big and handsome he is. Fun boy!



I love this kid!



Clara enjoyed torturing a moth.



What do you think of her hat? I'm pretty excited about it, especially since she likes wearing it. It also has a button hole where I can attach a coordinating fabric flower I made. I love it!




I love the little girl in the hat even more!

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Today's update on the baby situation:

So, last week the first time they measured my fluid levels I was at 4.9 in whatever it is they measure the fluid in. A few days later I was at 8.8. I was pretty surprised and excited I'd produced more and kept it in. Well, today they measured me, and...none. Yep, there is no fluid for baby to swim in at all. But, his heart rate is great, and he's moving around (the stinker went from head down to being breech), so he must not mind too much. The doctor says it's alright for him to not have fluid, and luckily my body will produce more, so hopefully soon he'll have something to swim in.

Other than that, things are about the same. Joel's going to come see me after work, so I'm counting the hours until that happens. I showered and did my makeup today, and that always lifts my spirits. So, things are pretty good.

Day 12

We all know that there are some days as moms that we just want to drop our kids off at Grandma's and have a day off. But when your ability to be a hands on mom to your kids is taken away from you it is extremely difficult. It's not easy knowing that other people are doing what you have always done and what is your job. I have no doubt that the friends and family that are watching my kids are doing a fabulous job, probably better than me, frankly. But they're my kids, and I miss them.

I wish so much I could be doing the everyday things that I took for granted. I want to play games with them, read to them, make cookies with/for them, go on walks with them, be silly with them, praise their achievements, help them learn things, take them to parks, take them to the library, and so much more. It hurts so much that I can't do those things. But, my greatest fear is that when I finally get to go home and be a mom again I'll forget how it felt to be in this hospital room and go right back to my old ways. That I'll be "too busy" to play or "too tired" to help (I'm sure I really will be for a while) or just plain too selfish to get down on the floor (again, that might also need to wait a while) and play with my kids or be there for them when they need me. I'm not saying I never was there for them or I never played with them, but a lot of the time I felt bothered by their cries for attention and would have rather done my own thing. I don't ever want to forget how I feel right now because this is making me more determined than ever to be a better mom.

I'm so grateful that I get to be a mom to two, almost three beautiful children. I love them so much, and I cringe at every failing I've ever had as a mom because I understand now more than ever how blessed I really am to have them in my life.

Day 9

Yesterday and today I had some nice visits. Thanks to all who have taken the time to come here or give me a call on the phone. It's very sweet and very much appreciated. Today I also got some fun treats- pineapple that tasted like candy and some yummy rice pudding. I'll get nice and fat by the time I'm done here!

I was just reading my scriptures in the last chapter of Mormon where Moroni writes to those who believe that miracles have ceased. He sounds pretty frustrated as he pretty much pleads for us to remember that God is unchanging, and if he ceased to do miracles God would cease to be God.

Now, I know miracles haven't ceased. I've had many miracles in my life and have seen miracles in the lives of those around me, but I think we all need reminders of everything, even if we already know them deep down. I think I needed this reminder. Things may not be going the way I planned, and they still may not go exactly the way I want. But I know we will see miracles in our little family. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to, and when it's all over we'll look back and see many miracles, big and small, that happened along the way. I also know that the Lord will hear our prayers, and if we put our faith and trust completely in Him, we'll be alright.

He's going to be hearing a lot from me the next little while. Sometimes I wonder if that's partly why this is happening, like He wanted to hear from me more. I think I needed some refining, and that's what I'm getting.

Day 7

Having a baby move around in your tummy without any water in there to cushion things feels very different. It doesn't necessarily hurt- just different. I'm told baby can get along just fine without water, in case any of you were wondering. I do have some, just not close to what you're supposed to have. I guess it doesn't hurt the little guy. It just makes his movements feel a little weird sometimes.

A word about yesterday. I've never had such awful heartburn. Did you know that you can feel heartburn in your back? Well, you can. Unless I have gall bladder disease, which apparently could be. Don't worry, I'm sure I don't. Whatever it was, it was very unpleasant and made trying to be positive about my situation very difficult.

I am trying to be as positive as I can, but that's just not gonna happen every second of the day. So far every other day has been good, which means every other day from those days aren't as good. Today, so far, is so much better than yesterday! I blow dried my hair with my round brush for the first time, so I feel a lot more like my usual self. It doesn't matter if your bound to a hospital bed or just living your normal life, looking good makes you feel good.

The other day I was thinking about my crazy water cravings I'd have this pregnancy. A lot of times if I didn't have a constant wet feeling in my mouth I felt sick. So I didn't really crave food. I craved water. So, I wondered if drinking water helps your amniotic fluid levels. I asked a nurse, and she said it does. Interesting. I think maybe my body must have had a heads-up that something was going to happen, so it was stocking up on fluid. Something interesting to occupy my mind.

I'm super excited that today marks my first whole week in the hospital and that I am now 28 weeks pregnant! I'm just trying not to think too much about how many more days are still ahead. Thirty weeks will be the next exciting milestone to meet. That's how I'm trying to look at it- just one day at a time and certain milestones at a time. It's just too daunting to think about it any other way. I do feel a little bit like a prisoner marking tallies on a cement wall. A bit dramatic? I guess, but that's pretty much what it's like. Thankfully my room is not made of cement, and I have more than a piece of chalk to write with, among all the other benefits of not being in jail.

See. I told you I was trying to be positive. At least I'm not in jail!