I Wanna Hold Your Hand

I'm copying my sister-in-law Andrea. She shared her cute story of the first time she and her husband, Ty, held hands, and it reminded me of the time Joel and I took that excited step. When we were engaged we wrote down the experience in dialogue form so that we could better capture the shyness and agony we both felt. I remember how much fun that was and how we laughed at how shy we had felt. Isn't it funny to look back at how nervous and shy you once were around your husband? Someone who you now know so well and knows you so well, including all your embarrassing quirks- it seems to strange that you were ever nervous around each other. Anyway, here's what we wrote:

(Here's some quick background: We held hands on our third date, which was to the movie "The Testaments." As you read, imagine you've just asked the both of us to tell you the story. I start telling it- isn't it always the woman's job in remember stuff like this- and, of course, he interrupts with his view point.)

Marianne: I love the movie "The Testaments" but I had a hard time concentrating during it this time. All I could think about was him! I really, really wanted him to hold my hand! I could tell he wanted to too. Even though I wanted him to I was nervous because I had never held anyone's hand before. I tried to make it obvious that I wanted him to hold it, but I wasn't quite sure how to play that game since I'd never played it before. I put my arm on the arm rest- aren't those things annoying, it didn't exactly make the situation easier! I dangled my hand right out in the open, making obvious my intentions, waiting for him to just grab it!

Joel: Obvious, huh? Of course, you know me, I never was one to get subtle hints, unless they're tacked on to a board with nails and driven into my skull...twice!

Marianne: Anyway...I had my arm on that arm rest for so long my arm was going to sleep! I kept thinking that he'd better hurry and grab it or my arm was going to fall off!

Joel: See, that was my plan all along: wait until you have no feeling in your arm, that way it'd be harder for you to pull it away when I did grab it!

Marianne: Clever. So, I tried not to look down at our hands because I didn't want him to notice. I saw him look a few times, though, so I knew he wanted to do it.

Joel: I still wasn't entirely sure how you felt. I knew that you had felt uncomfortable in that situation before when some guy had succeeded in putting his arm around you and you wanted to vomit on his lap. I had new pants. Perhaps I would have grabbed it if my bloomin' hands weren't shaking so dang bad! I was honestly a nervous wreck! I kept trying to be sneaky and steal a glance down to see where your hand was. So I slowly...and painfully...inched my way nearer, hoping that you would give me some sign.

Marianne: What?! Wasn't I making it clear?

Joel: Well perhaps to someone who was thinking rationally and clearly. In my case, a neon sign or flailing arms would have better suited my situation. I did, however, catch you glance quickly down. That was enough for me!

Marianne: I knew his hand was getting closer and closer to mine, but I wasn't sure just how close. It felt like our hands were miles apart, until my hand barely moved and brushed his! I think my heart skipped a beat, and I became stiff as a board, even more nervous now because I knew "the moment" was coming soon.

Joel: Yeah, well my heart already stopped in Act II. All I knew is that I felt you touch my hand so I mustered up what little courage remained and went for it. I remember thinking, "Alright, Orton, now or never. Now I hope...oh man, here we go!"

Marianne: I felt his hand moving over so I moved mine and our hands just fort of came together. My body went ever stiff, if that was possible, except for my uncontrollable leg flailing wildly back and forth. I tried to appear cool and collected but my leg and the fact that I'd stopped breathing sort of gave me away.

Joel: I, on the other hand, went completely limp. It was all I could do to keep from sliding out of my chair like Jell-O off a wall. My heart went from being in my throat, then conveniently migrated down somewhere around my feet.

Marianne: Despite the torture of all these nervous emotions, I was enjoyed myself! It was a whole new experience for me to be holding hands. He was the first guy who's ever held my hand. I just st there thinking, "Holy cow!...I am holding his hand!...He is holding my hand!...I can't believe it!" It was kind of hard for me to fathom. But, unbelievably, it was true, and I was happy.

Joel: Funny, I was thinking the same thing. All I could do was sit there and try not to look like a fool with that cheesy, little kid"mommy just bought me a lolly-pop" look on my face.

Marianne: I love that face!

Joel: Oh, so you saw that?

Marianne: I felt a little funny, though, with the way we were holding hands. I think it was because I was a board and he was Jell-O, so it didn't feel very natural at first. Our hands were very awkwardly folded around each other. I sat there debating nervously but eventually moved to the interlock hold. It was a nice transition.

Joel: Yes, it was! Then I was able to concentrate a little more on the play...oh, it was a movie...where the heck was I? Oh heck, who cares anyway, I was holding her hand finally.

Marianne: Yeah, lets just say I didn't get as much out of that movie as I normally do.

Joel: Maybe you didn't, but usually I just go and watch the movie, but this time, I got to hold YOUR hand! I definitely got more out of it this time.

Marianne: I still wasn't over the nervousness, though. There was still the "after the movie" part to wonder and agonize over. I didn't know what to do! Apparently Joel didn't either. He never grabbed it again that night, so I was terrified that was regretting ever doing it. We had a long awkward drive back to Ogden.

Joel: Hey! I still wasn't sure if it was just you being nice to me or if you really were comfortable holding my hand!

Marianne: Trust me. I was comfortable.

Joel: Well, on any hand, I left happy and had a dang tough time sleeping that night.

Marianne: You too, huh?