I Can Suppress It No More

*You don't have to read this. I mostly wrote this for myself.*

I often feel an overwhelming need and desire to create. There are many different mediums I use to express myself- scrapbooking, needlepoint, sewing, singing, playing the piano, or writing. Now the medium of choice seems to be writing. I feel such a strong urge to do it that I feel if I don't my insides will burst. Whatever it is that's brewing inside me is shouting to be unleashed. Now, just because I have the desire and almost overwhelming need to do it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm good at it. But I'm determined to do it.

This strong desire to write has sort of come out of nowhere, but I'm realizing that it's been there for years. I've always loved to write, ever since I was little, and I remember now how much I used to love when we'd do creative writing in school. There was a time that I'd dream of being an author, but slowly that dream faded. I'm not really sure why it did, but I have a couple of thoughts. First, my love for reading faded as I neared middle school, and it continued all through high school. I hated reading books that teachers threw at us, forcing us to read. Reading went from being fun to being a chore. I got to the point where I thought I didn't like to read. My other reason for giving up the dream of writing was probably also because a lot of times I felt silly about things I'd dream up or write about. I think I must have let that self-consciousness smother any aspirations I had at writing.

I had forgotten about my long lost dream of writing until just recently. I think it's sprung back up into existence because of all the reading I've been doing. Ever since I graduated I started reading again, and I LOVE IT! Some books I've read I have completely devoured, and it was so much fun! I still sometimes have a hard time starting a book, but usually all it takes is reading that first page and then the pages keep turning.

Reading all these stories has made me feel like I have stories to tell too. The problem is, I don't know what they are. They're there, I just have to dig deep to find them. I've always been a dreamer. I think that's why Anne of Green Gables appealed to me so much. I always thought I was just like Anne (I'm sure most girls did), especially since our names are so similar (don't forget the 'e'!). But I've never felt like my daydreams were page worthy. They're certainly not very creative or interesting.

But I don't care about that anymore. I'm not even going to list off my million and a half reasons for being unqualified to write. I am inspired and determined. The biggest reason my writing isn't up to snuff is because I don't do it. So, I'm going to do it, whether it stinks or not. And hopefully, after a while, it won't stink anymore. The best it may get to is a faint odor, but I'm okay with that. I'm not expecting much. I just want to have fun developing myself.

I got some great advice about writing on Shannon Hale's website (author of The Goose Girl and Princess Academy). Some of what she says scared me a little and made me question whether or not I really want to develop this part of me. But I do, so here's my plan:

• Practice. Start small by writing short stories and poems.
• Set goals. Write a little bit each day, even if it's a paragraph.
• Artist Dates. This was a weekly assignment we'd have to do in my Choral Arranging class at Weber. The assignment was that for at least one straight hour a week we had to do something we wouldn't normally do, especially things that got you out of your comfort zone. The rules were that we had to be alone, you couldn't multi-task, and it couldn't be something we needed or had to do. Some suggested things were go on a hike, read a book, paint a picture, go to a movie by yourself, go running, etc. One time I got out Noah's coloring books and crayons. It was fun! I highly recommend this. It's such a good way to spend some alone time.
• Keep reading.
• Learn new words. I feel like this is one of my shortfalls. I don't have that big of a vocabulary, so I'm going to learn a new word each by going to The Word of The Day on the Merriam-Webster website.

I hope my sudden burst of creative energy will inspire any of you to pursue something you've always wanted to but haven't for whatever reason. Remember- "A virtuous woman never hides her bushels...er..." -Collins, Pride and Prejudice