The Ocean in Me

There is an LDS singer/songwriter that I love: Cherie Call. I think she has a gift for writing lyrics, and I feel like those lyrics were written just for me. Everyone probably feels that way about them, which is why her songs are so beautiful. The CD I'm mostly talking about is "The Ocean in Me." This is what she has to say about the songs on this CD:

"I've always been fascinated by the ocean. You can't see the other side of it from the shore. If you look as far as you can, it just seems to touch the sky. Someone would pretty much have to be watching from above to see the whole thing. Our lives are very much the same. These songs are about the times when our Father helps us to see the big picture- the ocean in us that we never knew existed."

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Whenever I listen to this CD I am always reminded that Heavenly Father loves me and that he has great things in store for me. That in turn always gives me the little nudge I need to try a little (okay, a lot) harder to be better. Instead of making me feel guilty for all my faults (trust me, there aren't just a few), I feel the love deep down inside that I desperately need to feel.

Just the circumstances of when I got this CD show me that Heavenly Father loves me. It was Christmas 2002. I had just found out that I was not selected to be a performing missionary at Nauvoo. I felt good about auditioning. I knew it was a righteous desire to serve using my talents. I promised the Lord I would be okay with whatever happened, but when I got the letter listing the names of those selected and mine wasn't among them, I was not prepared for the tears that began pouring. I was still okay with not getting selected (sort of), but I couldn't deny the painful disappointment in my heart.

For Christmas, my family draws names. My brother didn't even have my name, but for some kind reason (can we say tender mercy?) decided to give me Cherie Call's CD, "Ocean in Me". As soon as I heard the words of the first song, I knew Heavenly Father was trying to tell me something. We can't always see what's ahead of us, and sometimes things we desire, even if they're good, are not what He has planned for us. Every song on that CD filled my heart with peace, and I knew there was a reason I didn't get to go to Nauvoo.

Well, just a couple weeks later I found out what that reason was. Joel came home from his mission January 2003 and had a special homecoming in Utah in my ward (we were in the same ward before his mission for those who didn't know), even though his parents had moved to California while he was gone. While he spoke at that meeting, I knew deep down we would end up together. I didn't know how, since he didn't even live in the same state, but I knew somehow it would happen. Well, to make a long story short, he moved to Mountain Green, which happens to be in easy distance to Ogden/Weber State where I was going to school. We had our first date February 13th and were unofficially engaged two weeks later. Obviously the Lord had a different mission planned for me. I'm pretty happy with how things worked out.

After the kids went to bed tonight, I popped Cherie Call's CD in while I cleaned. I've been feeling a little down lately, and I almost instantly felt better as I listened to those songs. I was reminded of all the things that I so easily forget: Heavenly Father loves me and that makes me worth a lot!

I wanted to share one of the songs on my blog, but I couldn't choose just one. So, I chose three. Sorry- that makes this post really long. But if you've stuck it out this far you might as well keep reading. Her words are much better than what you've already read anyway.

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Ocean in Me

I know when a storm is coming on

And I can tell when tears are gonna fall

And i know what it's like when disappointments

Seem to make you feel so small

I've become the extra when I wished to be the lead

And I have been the friend when I wished to be the girl

And sometimes all the faith in the world

Can still never change

What isn't meant to be

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But if I feel like just a tear drop in the rain

When I meant to be the rain

God sees the ocean in me

And in the depths of all my sorrow and my pain

When I ask to be delivered

He shows the ocean to me

He sees the ocean in me.

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He sees all the things that I can't see

And He dries every tear that falls down

And sooner or later He opens my eyes

And finally I turn around

To find that as a servant, I had really been a queen

And I had been a diamond when I thought that I was glass

And I know every heartbreak will pass

Just when it seems the hardest to believe

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Cause if I feel like just a teardrop in the rain

When I meant to be a river

God see the ocean in me

And in the depths of all my sorrow and my pain

When I ask to be delivered

He shows the ocean to me

He sees the ocean in me

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I'm an ocean drawn to the light

Reaching for the sky

Pulled by gravity

And after every storm I take another shape

Landing on a shore far beyond my dreams

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And when I feel like just a teardrop in the rain

When I meant to be a river

God sees the ocean in me

And in the depths of all my sorrow and my pain

When I ask to be delivered

He shows the ocean to me

He sees the ocean in me

No Ordinary Girl

Like a lily in the field, you were meant to shine in the sun

Stretched so tall in clean open spaces,

So far away from dark smoky places

And when the raindrops fall, it only helps your roots grow deep

So that those who would pull you away from your faith

Would just scrape their hands, give up, and walk away

And in your blinding beauty, you remind everyone

Who your Maker must be

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Like a princess in a castle, you were meant to dance in the light

Handled with honor by those who would dare

To take you by the hand and twirl you everywhere

And if there villains be, they would turn around and just go home

Laughing at themselves that they ever even tried

To make you forget about your palace on high

And in your blinding beauty, you remind everyone

Who the King must be

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There you are in a great big world

Full of meadows and castles and dances

But you are no ordinary girl

You were meant for something more

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Like a star in the sky, you were meant for higher heights

Lifted by dreams and the plans that you've made,

The work that you've done, and the prayers that you've prayed

And in the darkest night, you will help to show the way

For everyone else who would be like you

Shedding more light over everything true

And in your blinding beauty, you remind everyone

Where your kingdom must be

You remind everyone who our Maker and King must be.

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All That I Can Give

He gives me snow-covered mountains

Beautiful sunsets

And skies full of stars

He gives me pictures from children

Meadows for picnics

And songs with guitars

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And all that I can give Him is my voice

To whisper His name, to sing and rejoice

And it couldn't be enough if I praised Him

Every day I lived

But it's all that I can give

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He gives me people who love me

And friends that can make me

Laugh till I cry

He gives me a place to go home to

And blankets to warm me

On cold winter nights

And all that I can give him is my heart

To Cherish these things and know how precious they are

And it couldn't be enough to show I love Him

Every day I live

But it's all that I can give

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How I wish that I could give Him

Somethings I could truly call my own

But even every breath I take

He's give me

He's showing me

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He gives me mercy unending

Love everlasting

And answers to prayers

He gives me directions to find Him

And faith to believe

He will always be there

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And all that I can give Him are my sins

To leave them behind for as long as I live

All that He will ever ask of me

Is everything I am

And all that I can give

(I apologize for all the asterics. For some reason it didn't want to post all of my Enters, making one giant paragraph. Hopefully the asterics will make it a little easier to read. Luckily Cherie has liften my mood, and I won't let stupid computer glitches get me down.)